Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
