And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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