Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
