it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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