roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
