If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
