I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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