I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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