i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
