So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
