You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
