I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
