nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize