she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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