I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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