You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
