Moan for me like Helen Keller
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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