no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
