Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Small penises have feelings too.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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