so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So much Jack, so little girl.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
