Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can you bring me the toilet please
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
