dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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