I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
