She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
