Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
