This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
