suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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