I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I enjoy the company of your penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
