Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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