that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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