Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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