my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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