end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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