Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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