She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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