hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize