I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
