This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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