He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
