That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
