i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
