the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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