im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
