On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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