Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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