I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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