I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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