Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
