no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
