Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
