Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
