On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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