I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
