I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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