I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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