I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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