My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we're making bets on your personal life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
