Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
